The final post in our Motherhood Month is from TalkMum Nat, who is a freelance journalist, blogger, social media consultant and mum to two boys. Here’s Nat on her life as a mum, and some advice for new parents:

I know that there was a B.C. (Before Children) time in life, and I have to say I cling to those memories from time to time. There are photos, laughs and tears to prove we lived for years as a couple without kids, but sometimes I can barely remember those times and forget it was just us.

Some things, like lack of sleep, temper tantrums, bugs and crippling pain from standing on Lego were expected, but other elements took me surprise. If you manage to drink a cold cup of coffee you are doing well, having a wee on your own is unusual and sitting down for longer than it takes to complete a puzzle is rare!

The thing is there are a lot of myths about becoming a parent and the biggest is that it will be a time of idyllic happiness. Well it is sort of, but the reality is that at times it can be a challenge, it is hard work and not everyone finds it easy to adapt to a new way of life however much they wanted a baby.

The thing is not to beat yourself up about how you feel. If you are down, then see your GP incase you have post natal depression and don’t suffer alone. There is huge pressure to be the perfect mummy who looks great, is back in skinny jeans, has a baby that sleeps through the nigh ASAP, has the perfect relationship and is still climbing the corporate ladder in a pencil skirt and heels.

That isn’t reality and below are a few tips I hope will stop others feeling like I did are: Read more

The books and magazines make having a baby seem easy, fun and almost like having a new hobby. Walk along any high street and look in Starbucks and it’s full of women with shiny new Bugaboos, matching baby bags and little bundles of joy. This is what you see in public, what goes on behind closed doors can be so very different.

It’s not uncommon for some women experience ‘baby blues’ after giving birth. For some women this goes away as quickly as it arrived, for others it develops into full blown Post Natal Depression (PND) and have a significant impact on their lives.

PND affects 1 in 5 mums, but this figure only includes those who seek help, many more suffer in silence and alone. PND is a recognised and serious illness that can be life-threatening. It’s a battle that can be fought and won with the right support and treatment, but even today there’s still stigma surrounding it and many women feel like it is their fault.

I wasn’t public about it at the time, but I had PND after having my first son. To the outside world I had it all, after an amazing wedding, we quickly moved to a gorgeous new house, I had great family and friends and didn’t have to work so I automatically thought I would, and should, be blissfully happy when the baby arrived.

We aren’t meant to admit it but having children is hard; having depression is miserable and when the two collide life can feel almost impossible. But, I put on a brave face, or as one friend calls it, the “I’m fine” mask, and walked around town as if life was great. However, on the inside I was a mess; I loved my baby and the bond was there from the start, but my hormones were all over the place, I was terrified of getting anything wrong or him getting ill, I had sleep deprivation, felt guilty and would often just sit and cry. I was told more than once that to pull myself together and that I had it all – I knew this but it didn’t change the way I felt.

I was lucky, my husband and doctor were great and there was a local support group that was my saving grace – we were all in the same boat and no one made me feel like I was being self indulgent or selfish. Before long I was back on track and enjoying my new life as a mummy; but even writing this I feel a bit pathetic that I couldn’t cope with a tiny baby and that I failed him.

I think that it is really important that new mums, and dads, talk about their feelings and emotions without fear of judgement. If you can try and be open and honest about how you feel it will help and you don’t need to feel ashamed if it isn’t quite going to plan.

PND is an illness, not a reflection of your ability to be a good mummy, you can recover and feel good again so if you, or a friend, are showing signs of PND (www.postpartumprogress.org/2011/02/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-anxiety) don’t suffer in silence, get help and talk to someone.

Nat x

www.justbecauseilove.co.uk

One of the world’s million dollar questions has to be ‘Is there ever a perfect time to have a baby?’ This is one of those questions no one has the magic answer to, except maybe for Mother Nature! TalkMum blogger Natalie shares how her unplanned pregnancy changed her life and shares some advice for those of you planning to get pregnant.

I always knew that I wanted to have children; I was from a close family of girls and we had lots of cousins and so just assumed it was the path I would always follow. I just didn’t bargain for it happening when I did.

I had a high pressured, PR career and was living life to the full in London with my boyfriend. The only bottles I was interested were in the bar at happy hour, I wore skinny jeans and heels rather than maternity trousers and flats and the only wheels I was using were on the tube, prams just weren’t on my radar.

However, it may have not been on the agenda but that blue line we saw one Sunday afternoon August was the wake-up call for me that I needed to really grow up eventually. I’d been living hard and fast for years and seeing a tiny little body and hearing a little heart beat on the first scan was better than the beats in any trendy city bar. Once I knew I was pregnant I went into planning over drive. As well as having a baby I was also going to be a bride and house mover in the coming months. We did a lot in 7 months but by the time my beautiful first son entered the world I was super organised and very happy that my life had taken this twisted but amazing turn.

Planning second time was done properly. I looked after myself properly, stopped taking the pill and was delighted that I got pregnant on our belated honeymoon. By planning for number 2 we were ready for another pregnancy, we knew what to expect and it meant we had the age gap we wanted and another summer baby.

I have to say that when it came to making babies, I was one of the lucky ones and will never take that for granted. I have friends who have struggled with conceiving, who’ve had IVF and who simply cannot have children and their pain is heart breaking. I cannot imagine how they feel but I can be there to offer love and support.

When you start thinking about having a baby it’s really important to look at your health and that of your partner. Try to give yourselves three months to prepare for pregnancy, during which time you should try to be as healthy as possible and cut down on all your bad habits.

Family, friends and even your boss will probably have an opinion about the best time to add to your family. Whether you decide to have close together in age, or if you can’t bear the thought of juggling newborn nappies with the terrible twos, the choice is yours and I wish you lots of fun trying!

Nat x

http://justbecauseilove.wordpress.com

When you are pregnant all too often the last person you think about, is you! You are so busy thinking about your new baby, siblings, friends, family, bosses and your other half that somehow you end up at the bottom of the pile – but it doesn’t have to be like this! TalkMum blogger Natalie shares her top five spas for some pregnancy pampering.

Nine months is a pretty long time and I am certain that during those 40 weeks you can find one day – maybe even a weekend – when you can get away from all the planning, pressure, notes and lists and enjoy a well-deserved rest and some pampering.

There are so many places that offer great pregnancy pampering packages that finding something that is right for you can be hard. So think about what you really like and who you want to spend this time with.

Is it is a facial to help with dry skin and changing pigmentation, reflexology to help ease morning sickness, a pregnancy massage, or maybe you would just like your nails painted (especially when you bump is too big to bend down and do it yourself!)?

Make sure you let the venue know in advance than you are pregnant – I know that sounds obvious, but there are some treatments you should avoid in pregnancy. You may well find that your chosen spa will not give some treatments to women in their first trimester, such as a full-body massage or body wrap.

In early pregnancy, you it might be best to have a facial, pedicure, manicure or a neck and shoulder massage. I also liked using the pool but remember that saunas and Jacuzzis are not recommended at any stage during pregnancy because of the risk of overheating.

So, the top five spas – as picked by me and my friends – are:

• Stoke Park – I have been here and it is pretty amazing as it is set in the most beautiful grounds and totally relaxing
• Mandarin Oriental London is amazing, a bit pricy but a brilliant place to have some city chic R&R followed by a little bit of shopping at Harvey Nics and a show
• Jurlique in Chiswick has recently reopened and it is meant to be fab! The ‘Mummy’s New Beginnings Experience’ lasts over 2 hours and includes a facial, aromatherapy massage and pedicure. With a Baby GAP, JoJo and some lovely little coffee shops close by this could be the perfect girl’s day out.
• Careys Manor in Brockenhurst is in Hampshire and offers some great packages and the chance to relax in the countryside. Inspired by ancient traditions the Thai spa combines eastern and western treatments and philosophies. The tranquillity will restore inner calm and renew energy levels which has to be good.
• If you do have little ones and no one to hold the fort, Centre Parcs have some locations complete with brilliant spas, so you can still chill out whilst everyone else gets stuck into the swimming pools, activities and having fun.

There are also some great offers on at the moment and this site has quite a few I am tempted to go and I’m not even pregnant now!

Well ladies, I’ve done the hard work for you, now you just need to look, book and enjoy.

Nat x

http://justbecauseilove.wordpress.com

This week on TalkMum, we’re looking at second pregnancies and how they differ from first time around. Our blogger Natalie shares her touching story about how she coped when her second son was unexpectedly born with hip dysplasia.

Everyone tells you that no two pregnancies and no two children are the same but nothing could have prepared me for the massive differences between mine.

I was struck down with really bad morning sickness with both pregnancies, but second time around I was more relaxed about things. I had a private midwife who was with me from my first antenatal class to delivery which may have helped. I also made sure my first son knew a baby was coming, kitted out a new nursery, got a double buggy and read ‘The Next Step’ by Gina Ford and thought I was ready to go.

My second labour was a breeze – especially compared to the trauma of the first – and little Lucas just ‘popped out’. However no one could have been prepared for the challenges we faced once he was here and none of my planning made life any easier.

My beautiful second son was born with hip dysplasia and in his three short years he has had scans, x-rays and two major operations. He spent nearly a year incarcerated in plaster from nipple to toe with a stick between his legs. I found the whole situation totally heart breaking and wouldn’t wish this on any other family; I’ve cried, shouted and mourned for the baby I didn’t get, I’ve had people make comments like ‘it’s not like he has cancer’ and stare at him when he was trussed up in plaster!

As a family I think that this has made us stronger and I am so proud of my son coping with a hard start to his life. I am lucky that my first son is such an easy going, happy little boy who hasn’t been jealous of the extra attention his brother has had and if anything it has made the two of them closer.

I do think that Lucas is more willful (aka difficult!) because of what he has been through, but it has meant he has come out a fighter and in June we are back for a third operation to take out the pins and screws that were fixed to support his hip.

All I know, is that when you have children, whatever they might have wrong with them, you want to love and protect them and you give them all the best start you can, whatever life throws at you.

This week on TalkMum, we’re talking about how technology has changed how we deal with pregnancy and being mums. TalkMum blogger Natalie gives us her top three reasons why she thinks Facebook is great for mums!

When I had my first baby it is true to say that I felt a bit lost. We’d moved out of London and were living out in the sticks, well Berkshire, I’d given up my job in PR and was too late to join any ante-natal classes so finding Facebook was a saving grace for me, and pretty much a life line for a while.

Escape the baby talk

I know it isn’t the same as a chat and coffee but social media does make you feel like you are in the loop and connecting with adults. When you are sleep deprived, have a baby suffering from colic and are drowning in nappies and puree, this can be comforting and brings some sanity to your day.

I was able to chat with my girlfriends about their day at work whilst feeding my little baby and looking at what my sister was up to in Somerset was the next best thing to go doing and seeing her. In short, it was an easy way to link up with new friends as well and start building relationships with new ones.

Share your gorgeous photos

I loved being able to upload images of Eddie onto my page for everyone to look at, and got some great responses. However, I know it isn’t for everyone and some people don’t want their photos online, BUT you can restrict who sees your pages, you only put up what you are happy for others to see and you have to actually accept friend requests so you can be choosy about who sees what.

Keep in touch

I first joined 5 years ago and still today I love Facebook; I find that it is a great way for me to keep in touch with not only my mummy friends but my extended family all over the world, old work mates, fab flat mates, school buddies and friends who live in far-away places that are warmer and less rainy than Blighty.

There is nothing like face to face contact and physical interaction but social media is a great way to keep in touch with friends and family and let them see how beautiful your little ones are, even if they don’t see them day-to-day like you do!

With two small boys, it can be difficult for TalkMum blogger Natalie to have as much chill out time as she might like. She gives us some great advice (with the power of hindsight!) about relaxing during pregnancy.

Between finding out I was pregnant with my first son and actually giving birth to him, we went on holiday, got engaged, organised a wedding, got married, went on honeymoon, sold our flat, moved to a new house in a new area, had the builders in and changed cars (bigger boot needed for the pram).

This is NOT the way I recommend you spend your pregnancy! I like to be busy but this was just a step too far and really we took on too much, but I was lucky to have a super supportive husband as well as great family and friends.

With two small boys under the age of 5 life is busy and hectic these days and it is only now that I really cherish ‘me time’. I love nothing more than a lie in on Saturday morning, my Wednesday night yoga class or a copy of Grazia and a latte.

My tops tips for relaxing when pregnant, especially if you’re having your first child and don’t have a toddler to run around after, are:

• Have a massage, manicure or pedicure – do something once a week where you are totally relaxed and are pampered
• Lie in as much as you can – tricky when you have a large bump that means getting comfy is hard but make the most of your bed whilst you can
• Read – not just baby books and magazines
• Go to the cinema – doesn’t matter if it is in the middle of the day or in the evening but do it! Watching a film on the big screen is one thing I really miss just being able to go and do and DVDs just aren’t the same whilst running up and downstairs doing controlled crying
• Pack your hospital bag months in advance and leave it by the front door – I found that this allowed me to relax and know I was ready to go whenever the floodgates opened
• See your friends, (baby and non baby), and talk about stuff other than trimesters, breast feeding and Gina Ford – yes these are interesting but there is still you to think about and all too soon it is all you want to talk about
• Enjoy warm, scented baths – a great way to see your baby kicking and moving but also a brilliant way to chill out and really relax
• Sit back and watch TV with your partner and relax together – this is the last few months of being alone and as amazing as a baby is, they are hard work and you will never get that time back

Being a mummy is brilliant but being you and being stress free is important – so do it today, because you are worth it!

Nat x

Natalie Trice

justbecuaseilove.wordpress.com

Vinegar, bananas, peanut butter – the things we crave when we are pregnant vary so much from person to person! As part of a week on TalkMum about pregnancy nutrition, blogger Natalie shares her weird pregnancy cravings with us and explains how her diet changed during her pregnancy.

Before my first pregnancy, I was a gym bunny who lived on sushi, salmon and salad and mango but when the blue line appeared, my morning sickness kicked in and life changed forever – in more ways than one.

Eddie was a surprise pregnancy so the vodka and cigarettes that had been very much part of my PR lifestyle in Soho went out of the window straight away as I wanted to be super healthy and nurture my bump. Little did I realise that Mother Nature had other ideas. Anything resembling ‘healthy’ made me feel really sick and for the next 9 months I craved the junk food I would never have eaten usually.

It started with tinned ravioli which helped stop the nausea – FAST – and I was known to eat it cold and straight from the can – gross I know, but it worked! I also demolished white bread, Yorkies and crisps, as well as Starbucks hot chocolate with cream and caramel slices. I hadn’t eaten meat for years but when we went out to celebrate the news, I ordered a steak and chips and that has been my favourite meal since. I get really bad eczema and a sniff of cheddar causes a flare up in hours, but a thick slice of cheese on toast was one of my favourite new snacks – I didn’t care about the rash as it stopped the sickness.

The weird pregnancy cravings kicked in more with baby number two. I’d eat handfuls of frozen peas (still frozen), sour Haribo sweets and drank – yes, drank – vinegar. At one point I was drinking a bottle of the stuff a day and it tasted even better if it was from a jar of pickled onions, surprisingly it didn’t give me heart burn but it did make the sickness go away for a little while!

My sons are now 2 and 4 and both happy. Whilst the cravings have gone, I still can’t stomach salmon and I do have an emergency can of ravioli in the cupboard, just in case…!

Natalie Trice is a full-time mum who has given up the rat race to focus on the things she loves, which she shares on her blog, Just Because I Love.